Did I really just say that???

Today I am re-posting an entry from 3 years ago. Add your own quotes in the comments!!!!

Before I had kids, I had all these grand ideas about what kind of parent I would be. I observed people with their kids and thought to myself, "I will never do that." I was going to be so patient, and nurturing, and fun, never lose my temper, and never be sarcastic or say hurtful things.

Then I actually had kids. And realized, damn, it's a lot harder than it looks.

In honor of, well, really nothing at all, here is a short list of things I have said to my kids that I would never have believed would come out of my mouth. There are tons more but in my sleep deprived state (the aforementioned children woke me at an ungodly hour this morning) this is about all I can conjure up right now.

• The toilet is not a toy
• If you're going to play with that knife/stick/other sharp object, can you at least go do it over there so you won't hurt the rest of us?
• If you get hurt and cry, I'm not going to feel bad for you
• If you do that again, the police will come and take you to jail
• Please go wash that poop off your finger
• Your fork is getting very lonely
• Why is there underwear on the ceiling fan?
• Now go under the kitchen table and finish all the food you dropped
• Hey! Who moved the baby?
• We do NOT pish on other people.
• You're right, I am so mean. I'm the meanest Mommy in the whole world. You should really go find a better one.
• Don't wake me unless someone is bleeding
• Why is there shampoo all over the living room floor???
• I will ask you twice, and then I will start to count, and after that, well, um, it'll be bad
• Why is there a beer bottle cap in your pocket?
• Can I suck on your lips? Please? (sorry, but baby lips are just about the tastiest things in the world)
• Who put my shoe in the fridge?
• Stop sucking on my toes!
• No, you may not climb out the window
• If you jump down from there you will break your leg and then I won't take you swimming
• Please don't build a dam with your bedroom furniture
• How would you feel if I bit your nose?
• Your puninshment is that I will not tell you how I got the Sharpie off the dining room table
• Who turned the air conditioning up to 100 degrees?

And finally, one of the most classic lines ever...

• No, it's not doody, it's cholent!